Life Advice

Stop considering whether people like you and start considering whether you like them

I used to always have that voice in the back of my head, do they like me? are they judging me? Always thinking that it held me back from being social.

You can control how you act. You can’t control whether or not people are going to like you. Some people might be really insecure and find reasons to dislike you for no reason. But even if you changed those things about yourself they would find some other reason to dislike you because you’re not the problem.

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(Photo: Modern Affliction)

Over 40 years ago I was a young boy, the future still a thing of excitement and mystery. Who would I be? What would I do? Where would I go? Everything was still possible. But I squandered my potential and wasted my life.

I didn’t know it at the time, but the way my parents treated me scarred me deeply. They gave me all the toys a boy could want. But I have no memory of being hugged. I have no memory of them ever telling me something I did was good. I would show them a picture I drew and they would say “Not now.” They made me feel worthless, useless, unwanted. My mother would play sadistic games where she’d frighten me and then laugh when I cried out of fear. My father was brooding and unapproachable, quick to temper and irritated by my presence.

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Galvanize yourself into taking positive action.

Your conscious/intuition/better judgement, whatever you want to call it, generally knows what’s best for you and what it takes to get there, but is often overpowered by the pessimist in us. Here are two techniques you can use to confront that pessimistic voice;

1. Retroactive self-reflection. Here’s a confronting visualisation activity to motivate you into taking action; When faced with a daunting decision or challenge (one that you want to take but are hampered by your negative thoughts or anxiety), quickly visualize yourself as an old man or woman – Zimmer frame, toothless, baby food, incontinent, lonely, family only drop in once a month if you’re lucky – and you’re propped in front of the TV…but you’re not watching daytime talk shows or lawn bowl championships, rather you’re viewing a montage of all the opportunities you’ve passed up in your younger life, and you’re writhing with regret because you’ll never know what could have been.

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