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(Photo by Charles Deluvio)
We live in a world where we are constantly comparing ourselves to others. This causes us stress, anxiety, and conditions of worth. As someone who used to often fall victim to the toxic comparison culture of today’s world, it took me a long time to overcome this flaw and to develop a healthier approach. Here are some things that have helped me when it comes to comparing myself with others:
(photo: @xaviercoiffic)
You are responsible for your problems. You are not at fault for (some of) your problems, but you are responsible for all of them.
When you decide to claim responsibility for everything that you don’t like in your life—the annoying coworker, your inability to focus, how busy you are—you give yourself the power to do something about it. I don’t care that you didn’t create these issues. Stop playing the victim card, and do something about it.
1. No, he/she isn’t the only one. There are millions of people. Go meet more. Those aren’t your only friends. They are just your only friends NOW. You can make more, and often better, friends.
2. Molehills, not mountains. Keep things in perspective. You might feel shitty because you fucked up about this one thing. In a year you probably won’t remember it and it will be inconsequential unless you keep chastising yourself for it. Everyone else is too busy being paranoid about themselves to have to remember every stupid thing you did.
I photograph a lot of people. Almost everyone believes they are ugly. Your grandmother. Your child. Your best friend. Most models. Most actors. Maybe even you.
“Oh, don’t take my photo, I’ll break your camera!” laughs the 80-year-old grandfather. When he dies a few months later, his grandkids will treasure this reminder of his “ugly mug.”
“Please delete this,” says a dear old friend. She looks beautiful. She looks like herself. She’s been captured in a moment in which she is utterly comfortable in her skin. And she hates it.
(photo: @attentieattentie)
The way a person perceives fear shapes their life, relationships, and legacy. From an early age, we are taught to view fear as a measure of danger. If something scares us, we are encouraged to stay away, while safe things attract us. Fear is presented as a mechanism to keep us secure, cautioning us against strangers, dangerous roads, large animals, unfamiliar situations, and risks.
(photo: @nat4ernenko)
Once upon a time there was a Chinese farmer whose horse ran away. That evening, all of his neighbors came around to commiserate. They said, “We are so sorry to hear your horse has run away. This is most unfortunate.” The farmer said, “Maybe.” The next day the horse came back bringing seven wild horses with it, and in the evening everybody came back and said, “Oh, isn’t that lucky. What a great turn of events. You now have eight horses!” The farmer again said, “Maybe.”
(photo: @wildlittlethingsphoto)
When I was 10, I discovered The Three Musketeers: a swashbuckling tale about four inseparable friends living by the motto “all for one, one for all.” The book became an instant favorite – but not because of the wine, women, song or adventure.
What I actually enjoyed most was the camaraderie between the main characters. My family had just moved and I was really lonely; the idea of having loyal friends inspired me. I read the book and fantasized about having people to share my own adventures with.
I thought if I did enough self improvement I would be happy. I thought that losing the weight, learning to beat procrastination, and practicing happiness affirmations would make me a content human being.
But my self love was conditional. I felt good when I made progress on my goals. It was great when I applied what I learned. But there are always setbacks.
And when you love yourself conditionally those setbacks are cause for brutal self evisceration.
Meet Daryl Davis.
Daryl is a seasoned black American musician who’s played with some of the best. He also hangs out with KKK members.
For decades, he’s set out to change the minds of those who hate him most.
Instead of confronting them with hateful words, he sits down with them. Hears their story. Even laughs with them.
By being a good friend, Daryl shows Klan members just how wrong they are about the race they claim to despise. And he’s been responsible for over 200 members leaving the group and giving up their racist ways.
We should all try to be more like Daryl.
Photo by Fred Moon
We have the tendency to make assumptions about everything. The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth. We could swear they are real. We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking — we take it personally — then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our word. That is why whenever we make assumptions, we’re asking for problems. We make an assumption, we misunderstand, we take it personally, and we end up creating a whole big drama for nothing.
