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Photo by Jordan Scott
In today’s world, where success stories are just a click away, it’s easy to feel left behind. Everywhere we look, there are tales of prodigies, overachievers, and those who seem to have it all figured out. But what if you’re not one of them? What if, despite your best efforts, you feel like you’re lagging, always playing catch-up?
After a decade of setting goals every year and never achieving them, here’s what finally clicked:
High performers are successful as a result of consistent action, not intense effort.
This single realization led me to a framework for building habits that has changed my life.
(photo: RUN 4 FFWPU)
Being a productive person comes down to one thing: You finish what you start. Period.
Projects unfinished, goals left behind, jumping for one thing to another, all of that reinforce the identify of being a lazy person.
You’re not a lazy person, simply you don’t finish what you start.
But, before we get into the tips, let’s go quickly over some of the mistakes that prevent us from finishing what we start.
(photo: @kylejeffreys)
Have you ever felt like your circumstances were trying to break you?
Just when you’ve improved your finances, your car breaks down. You wake up on the wrong side of the bed, come to work to a nagging boss and go home to an indifferent spouse. Every time you take a step forward, you take three back. Inevitably, just as you’re on the rise, something or someone tries to knock you down. If only life would give you a little bit of a break, you tell yourself, you’d have enough energy to make an effort to become successful.
Just a quick note for anyone who needs to hear this:
You’re not behind. Period.
Nor are you ahead! We know this because whenever you observe the natural world anywhere, you’ll never see anything that’s ahead or behind. Even if one tree, somewhere out in the forest, grows more quickly than the one next to it, this wouldn’t mean that the slower tree is behind.
Respect is an overlooked and misunderstood idea in the pursuit of being an attractive man. Growing up, parents and teachers repeatedly told us to respect others. Because of this, a lot of us became obsessed with pleasing everyone else while forgetting ourselves. Our self-respect was pushed to second place.
So we try our hardest to respect women, but that alone doesn’t give us the dating life we want. That frustration leads us to believe we need to be douchebags to become Casanovas. It’s a myth perpetuated by insecure men.
Reading puts your brain to work.
Reading is to the mind what exercise is to your body.
It gives us freedom to roam the expanse of space, time, history, and offer a deeper view of ideas, concepts, emotions, and body of knowledge.
Roberto Bolaño says, “Reading is like thinking, like praying, like talking to a friend, like expressing your ideas, like listening to other people’s ideas, like listening to music, like looking at the view, like taking a walk on the beach.”
Let’s address the elephant in the room.
Perhaps you grew up in less than ideal circumstances, faced prejudice due to your race, gender, or sexuality, battled health issues, or constantly felt out of place because of your accent or location.
You feel that the universe dealt you a unique hand, making it impossible for your setbacks to be your own doing. Yet, deep within, there’s a nagging feeling that we are often our own biggest obstacle.
Why? Because acknowledging this means we have the power to rewrite our story. If we don’t, the blame squarely falls on our shoulders. It’s a bitter pill to swallow, realizing that we might be the only thing standing in the way of our dreams and aspirations.
Pointing fingers elsewhere is just so much simpler.
But hear me out. I’m not saying you lack ambition or drive. Taking the reins of your life is no small feat. It’s a journey filled with discomfort and moments of self-doubt.
Our instinct is to shield ourselves from pain, often leading us to find external culprits for our woes. Yet, breaking free from this mindset is possible.
In essence, life is about owning your narrative. And when you do, you’ll find that the most compelling chapters are yet to be written.
Life is unpredictable. While you may not have control over every event that unfolds, you have the undeniable power to choose your response. You’re the captain of your emotional ship.
External events might sway and rock your boat, but you decide whether to sail through or let the waves capsize you.
Every reaction, whether instinctive or deliberate, is a testament to your resilience and adaptability.
Embracing this control means understanding that while you can’t always dictate the winds, you can adjust your sails.
We all have an idealized vision of how our lives “should” be – the perfect job, relationship, body, house, etc. But constantly comparing reality to this fictional ideal is an express train to unhappiness. As writer Elle Luna said, “We unconsciously imprison ourselves to avoid our most primal fears. We choose Should because choosing Must is terrifying, incomprehensible.”
Using “should” gives us an excuse to avoid taking action or making changes. After all, if things “should” be a certain way, then it’s not our fault they aren’t, right? Wrong. Saying “I should start working out” or “I should be making more money” puts the responsibility on some nameless force instead of yourself.
Despite all of our differences, the main thing that we are all striving for is happiness. Ask anyone to cut the bullshit and tell you what they really want – what their heart truly desires – and they will say that they want to be happy. This happens 100% of the time. So, if all of us have the same ultimate goal, then why is true happiness so hard to find?
