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When I’m on my way home and I have to take a dump really bad, but if I run I will shit myself

 

When the dead guy at a funeral didn’t tell anyone he had a twin and everyone sees his twin for the first time

 

When my Saudi Arabian co-worker mentions that his uncle died on 9/11

 

When your iPhone charger breaks but your sibling has one that works

 

When I put an entire paycheck towards my debt

 

When the lady in line in front of me at the register pulls out a checkbook

 

When the girl is hideous but she is giving amazing head

 

My daughter’s reaction when I cut her hair for the first time

 

When I hear the girl I like talk about a guy she’s crushing on

 

When I’m paying for my burrito at Chipotle and one of the employees tells the cashier “Oh, he had guac!” at the last minute

 

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