When I’m on my way home and I have to take a dump really bad, but if I run I will shit myself
When the dead guy at a funeral didn’t tell anyone he had a twin and everyone sees his twin for the first time
When my Saudi Arabian co-worker mentions that his uncle died on 9/11
When your iPhone charger breaks but your sibling has one that works
When I put an entire paycheck towards my debt
When the lady in line in front of me at the register pulls out a checkbook
When the girl is hideous but she is giving amazing head
My daughter’s reaction when I cut her hair for the first time
When I hear the girl I like talk about a guy she’s crushing on
When I’m paying for my burrito at Chipotle and one of the employees tells the cashier “Oh, he had guac!” at the last minute
