I(m45) cheated on my wife (f41). It changed her fundamentally. She has always been this bubbly and cheerful woman with her beautiful smile never leaving her face. She makes everything better and has the ability to make people happy around her wherever she goes. Now she is distant, silent and
I haven’t seen her smile since it happened a year ago. When we got back together after a small break, she told me that she was fully aware about our declining sex life and her role in that. She said that she didn’t know if or when she ever could sleep with me again. She said that she couldn’t handle the pressure of needing to heal fast not to lose me again, for me not to cheat again, so she said that I could still sleep with the OW. She just doesn’t want to know when. And not in our home.
I hate myself for what she has become. Like a broken bird. When I talk to her about divorce, her tears just starts pouring and she asks if I didn’t love her anymore. I do. More than anything but I want to set her free. But her tears. I can’t.
The only thing she hasn’t changed is her kiss in the morning. She starts very early and before leaving she kisses me goodbye and whispers I love you. I pretend that she I’m sleeping. When I hear the door locks I break down crying. I cry for a good hour before it’s time for me to go to work too.
I hate myself every day for what I have done to her.
