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Confession of the Day

October 2, 2023

I just pooped my pants while driving. It was like an hour of clean up.

It was actually loose stool, I just got over a stomach bug.

I was halfway through my hour commute when I let loose. No businesses anywhere in sight. Three times before it actually came out, I could feel it fighting to emerge, but I kept it at bay. Deep down, I knew that something was different, that there was no stopping it.

I drove for about a half hour with poop in my pants. The whole time, I was afraid of getting pulled over.

When I got to my apartment complex, it was the middle of the day and I knew there was little I could do if people were outside but try to time it. There was some activity outside that I think was out of sight, so I think I was ok, but who knows.

The poop ran down my leg when I got up. I was dreading this the whole ride and sure enough it happened. It could have been worse, but it was pretty bad. It got onto my workboots when I removed my pants. Removing the pants was a mess as well. It got on my carpet mat and tile floors.

I went right into the shower and left the mess there. The shower was pretty gross too, for the first 2 minutes. After a little while I was mostly clean. Defeated, I laid at the bottom of the tub after showering.

But after the fresh feeling of a shower, I now had to go clean the mess. I threw the pants in a trash bag, but one boot had a lot of shit on it. I cleaned it the best I could and left it outside to fumigate.

I did not leave a mess in the car that I could see, but I think “poop juice”, much like sweat, seeped through my pants and onto the car seat. It smelled. So I wiped it down and then hit it with Fabreeze.

I trashed my pants and underwear and carpet mat.

The whole thing was terrible. I need a better emergency protocol. I should have just pooped in the woods.

Filed Under: Confessions

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