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by Andrian
Our brain is an incredibly complicated instrument. Our relationship with it, is a love-hate one. We think we have control over it but usually something unconscious dictates our actions.
In most of our social interactions, we find it difficult to feel comfortable among strangers because our brain tries to protect us from exposure.
This however isn’t helping us when trying to be social and meet new people, is it?
There are lots of fighting videos on the internet, but they never show the consequences, hours, days, months later. Usually the police get involved, and in extreme cases the loser may die. It may be months later, but you may be held liable. You may claim self-defense, yet it may involve protracted legal problems.
The regrettable thing is that conflicts are usually over some silly issues, like ego, insult or road rage. Once a conflict appear to be reaching face off. Leave. The worst thing about knocking someone unconscious is the time you wait for the person to come to recover. Sometimes, it doesn’t happen.
It may seem obvious to some but imagine the difference between an employee coming to you with a problem that you then have to figure out how to solve VS an employee coming to you with a problem they already have several solutions for and you simply need to choose (as the manager) which option you believe is best.
In my experience when most employees come across a problem they don’t know how to instantly solve they simply present it to their manager and wait for a response.
This does nothing other than concrete your managers opinion that you are unable to do their job and they subconsciously disqualify you from promotion, presenting them with multiple solutions to a problem however makes them feel they are in control whilst simultaneously considering you as an asset worthy of promotion or at the very least retention.
In most interactions, everybody is heavily self-monitoring and will base their judgement of the success of the interaction on how people responded to them. If people laughed at their joke. If people found their anecdote interesting or shocking. If people agreed with their opinion.
So the upshot for people who are shy or worry that they’re boring is: you don’t need to put so much pressure on yourself. Honestly most times all you need to do is take an interest in whoever you’re talking to. Listen. Ask questions/follow-up questions. Laugh at their jokes. And they’ll come out of it thinking you were a really cool person to talk to, when actually what they mean is you made them feel like a really cool person to talk to.
The latter advice is great for all relationships, not just romantic ones. Conversations that happen on walks are very different from conversations that happen when you sit facing each other. Try it.
