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I never told anyone this story because I never thought they would believe me…
I was home along one evening and had gone to sleep for the night. I live with my SO and two indoor cats but she was out of state traveling for business.
I woke up in the middle of the night (wasn’t sure of time but it was completely dark) because my body was freezing cold. I actually like it cool when I sleep and usually have the temperature around 70 degrees or colder since I live in central Texas.
First, some quick details:
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1. Do you remember the first time your body failed you? I don’t but I remember the last time and I feel done. Sex feels like just more work than pleasure and it’s not work I’m willing to do any more
I’ll be having the talk with my wife this week she can leave if she wants I’m not going to be mad I love her but I can’t do it any more. If sex is all I’mgood for then that’s fine I don’t want that in a life partner anyway.
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1. I wanted the commitment. It has made me feel closer to my wife. We feel more like a unit.
Before we married we lived together for seven years. I wanted to get married two years in, she declined. She changed her mind at year six. Absolutely the right decision. It makes things like career sacrifices easier when you have that level of commitment. Make things like buying a house, having children, etc. just a bit easier. I know if I get sick she has rights. We’ll be married 29 years tomorrow.
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1. Borderline Personality Disorder isn’t being cute and ‘clingy’ and ‘adorably needy’. Being with (romantic or otherwise) someone with BPD isn’t akin to taking care of a pet. BPD isn’t an ‘aw it’s so endearing that they need me so badly’ type of thing.
BPD is a mental illness that is a conglomeration of several different tendencies and it’s not easy to diagnose. You don’t just decide you have it, just like you don’t decide you’re depressed because you had a bad day, or you don’t decide you’re bipolar because your mood changes quickly sometimes. Believe me, you don’t want it.
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1. I am a victim of Munchausen’s by proxy. I was starved for 8 years of my life until a teacher finally put an end to it, and I was unable to hear from my right ear due to infections that were not taken seriously.
I was taken to the Dr repeatedly typically naturopathic doctors and quacks that never should have been treating me to begin with.
My mom led the guise that I had allergies that affected my ear and was allergic to everything under the sun.
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Why?
She was my best friend and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, regardless of whether I was sexually attracted to her. She’s the best human being I know.
We wanted to live together, we wanted to have kids together, we wanted to wake up next to each other every morning, and we wanted to grow old together. We wanted an exclusive relationship with each other even if sexual attraction was not a driving force in that relationship. I’m not saying that marriage is necessarily the right solution for anyone. For us, it’s just what made the most sense.
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My wife is not the woman I used to know. She let the fame get to her.
I met my wife when I was 15 in high school, she was 17. That latter part of my teenage years was probably the hardest of my life, since in half a year I lost my mother. Never knew my dad so she was the only thing I could consider “family”.
At that time, me and my wife were only friends, but she was there for me, and grieved with me. I think I started developing feelings for her during that time.
