Pop quiz, lovebirds: What makes your partner feel most adored? Is it a heart-melting compliment, a thoughtful gift, or maybe just a long, tight hug at the end of a tough day? According to relationship guru Dr. Gary Chapman, how we express and experience love can be broken down into five distinct “love languages”—and getting fluent in your partner’s preferred language is the secret sauce to keeping your bond strong and satisfying.
Just like we all have a native tongue, we also have an instinctive way of giving and receiving love. When couples understand and honor each other’s love languages, it’s like having a decoder ring for their partner’s heart.
So, what exactly are these love languages, and how can you start speaking your partner’s dialect? Let’s break it down.
Words of Affirmation
For some, hearing “I love you” or getting complimented never gets old. If your partner lights up at verbal validation, their love language is likely Words of Affirmation.
To make them feel like the cat’s pajamas, try: Praising their accomplishments, big or small. Expressing your appreciation for their quirks and qualities. Sending an out-of-the-blue text to say how much they mean to you.
Acts of Service
Is your honey always offering to run errands or tackle your to-do list? They might be an Acts of Service enthusiast, showing love by lending a helping hand.
To speak their language, try: Taking something off their plate when they’re swamped. Bringing them breakfast in bed. Filling up their gas tank or tidying up their space—all with a smile.
Receiving Gifts
For those who swoon over thoughtful presents, it’s not about materialism—it’s the careful consideration behind the gift that counts.
To wow a Receiving Gifts lover, try: Surprising them with something related to a mentioned interest or need. Planning a special outing or crafting a handmade token of your affection. Bonus points for hiding little love notes where they’ll find them later.
Quality Time
If your partner’s idea of bliss is having your undivided attention, Quality Time is likely their jam. They crave focused, meaningful connection—sans distractions.
To make their heart sing, try: Initiating regular date nights (and keeping them sacred). Engaging in deep conversations that go beyond day-to-day logistics. Choosing activities that allow you to truly interact, like cooking a meal or exploring a new place together.
Physical Touch
For the touchy-feely types, nothing says “I love you” like a lingering kiss, a back rub, or a snuggle session on the couch.
To send a Physical Touch devotee over the moon, try: Holding hands while you walk or watch TV. Offering a neck massage after a long day. Initiating sex or sensual playtime. Even just a quick hug or peck on the cheek can make them feel adored.
Most of us enjoy all of these expressions of love to some degree, but we usually have one or two that really make us tick. The key is to get curious about what puts hearts in your partner’s eyes—and then make a point to “speak” that language regularly.
Of course, this doesn’t mean forsaking your own love language in the process. Letting your partner know what melts your butter is equally important for keeping you both feeling fulfilled.
“The beautiful thing about love languages is that they create a positive feedback loop,” says Jamea. “The more valued and appreciated you each feel, the more inspired you are to keep showing up for one another in meaningful ways.”
So go ahead, start flexing your love language muscles and watch your bond flourish. With a little intention and TLC, you’ll be whispering sweet multilingual nothings in no time.
Theodore Lee is the editor of Caveman Circus. He strives for self-improvement in all areas of his life, except his candy consumption, where he remains a champion gummy worm enthusiast. When not writing about mindfulness or living in integrity, you can find him hiding giant bags of sour patch kids under the bed.