1. I consider it cheating and pick partners who do not indulge in porn. My boyfriend knows this boundary and accepts it. I’ll send him sexy pictures if he has to travel but I’ve always made my standards clear. He knows he has it too good at home that he’s often said he won’t jeopardize this relationship. And he knows I won’t hesitate to walk away if he breaks my trust.
2. I knew my husband did. Didn’t care. Then our sex life fell apart and I was willing to have sex, even voicing that I was hurt and feeling neglected when our intimacy fell apart. He gaslit me into thinking I just wanted sex more, he didn’t need it as much, didn’t have that big of a sex drive. I asked about porn use. He denied. Then the truth about his multiple times per week porn consumption came out.
He has now lied to me about this numerous times in our marriage and this led to me being completely uncomfortable with him using any porn. Big marriage destroyer for me.
Not only are there trust issues but now something that should be between husband and wife exclusively, the act of sex, is a sour subject. Hate it here. Probably won’t work out for us in the long run as I crave the intimacy but just feel like the less preferred option.
3. I hope my experience here helps you feel better about this situation. If my husband and I are apart we both agree that porn is ok. We are compatible that way.
I had a professor in college who basically studied sex and all it’s intricacies. We were talking about the porn industry one day and she explained to me that there have been studies talking about how basically people use porn just to “see the act of sex”.
Not a lot of people look at porn just because they want to oogle another persons body. They just want to see sex so they can get into the mood. So that’s prob the same situation that your bf is in. He isn’t trying to explicitly look at women with huge breasts who only weigh 100 pounds.
4. It’s a complete deal breaker for me. It used to not be but I dated a porn addict and it absolutely tore me apart. Never again. I’ve learned a lot about that industry and I in no way wish to support it.
5. My partner and I both agree that porn use is a form of cheating, so obviously neither of us use it. Sometimes if we’re apart we’ll sext, but we are not ok with porn. This is an issue that allot of people feel differently about, and you’ll probably get people saying that all men use porn (that isn’t true).
6. As long as it doesn’t change his perspective of me, and the sex is still good, I don’t really care. He and I don’t talk about it. It’s just one of those things that really shouldn’t harm a healthy relationship.
7. I recently broke up with a guy who, for lack of a better word, was more perverse than anyone I had ever met.
He blamed his sexual inclinations on being alone for a long time, and on needing to escalate his porn into newness after watching so much.
I had never thought that porn could impact anyone so completely, but perhaps it’s like most things we enjoy. All is well as long as it’s in moderation?
8. If I was honest with myself I would prefer if my partner didn’t watch porn. However I feel like this is such an unrealistic thing to ask a partner these days because it’s so normalized. I would never be able to trust someone who says they don’t watch it because almost everyone does.
9. It doesn’t bother me as long as it doesn’t affect me.
What did bother me is an ex boyfriend of mine found it okay to tell me who his favourite pornstars were. They all had a body type that was so fundamentally different from my own. It ate me up inside to think the characteristics he found most attractive/sexually arousing were NOT AT ALL the ones I had.
10. Honestly, I don’t like it at all. First of all, I have a great disdain for the industry. Not sex workers themselves but the culture and the exploitation.
Also knowing that the majority of porn isn’t catered to women and it’s extremely violent, aggressive or degrading to women. I guess it gives me the ick to think that my significant other is getting off to any of that content without examining how harmful it really is.
I watched porn a couple times a week before but after a couple of years ago, I really refuse to watch it now. Especially if they have addiction problems or are the kind of people who don’t have any self discipline.
11. It’s a big no from me, my partner feels the same way and that is veryyy rare for a guy in this day and age. We also have very frequent sex so that plays a role too
12. “What is it that looking at other women that girlfriends don’t like?”
Read this sentence back to yourself. Ask yourself, honestly, if you would be totally super chill with your girlfriend masturbating to some man.
I know most men might say they’re chill with it, but really think about it. Most guys can’t even bring their girlfriends to orgasm, so how would it make you feel if she brought herself there while looking at, thinking about, /fantasizing/ about another man?
Most guys are afraid of dildos, how would they feel about their girlfriend subscribing to some taller, bigger-dicked guy on OnlyFans, using money and sexual energy that could have been spent within the relationship?
How would you feel if she had favorites, men she liked to look up often to get off to?
You probably wouldn’t like it, would you?
Now ask yourself why is it that men don’t want their girlfriends to do things but can’t comprehend why their girlfriend wouldn’t want them to do it.
Theodore Lee is the editor of Caveman Circus. He strives for self-improvement in all areas of his life, except his candy consumption, where he remains a champion gummy worm enthusiast. When not writing about mindfulness or living in integrity, you can find him hiding giant bags of sour patch kids under the bed.