I’ve been married 20+ years, and rarely have sex with my wife. I reminded her a week ago that it’s been a month. In a normal marriage where we’re raising kids, have a good relationship, I am scared for the future that this is just how it’s going to be. Here is a quick summary of what I’m talking about:
-
rarely, if ever have sex on vacation
-
never, ever cuddle in bed. There is a body pillow in between us, and we sleep with different blankets
-
when we do have sex, it’s the exact same every time. She’s on her back, and never, ever leaves her side of the bed. Zero, and I mean zero effort on her part.
-
it’s been years since her hand has touched me. When she does, I really don’t “feel”. Her effort is so bad and she has no idea what turns me on. Couldn’t tell you the last time she got me off..
-
has an excuse of some kind almost every night. (Tired, food didn’t sit well, has a headache, something hurts) this starts at about 7pm every night.
-
when we cuddle, she never leaves her spot on the bed. Simply rolls to her side, goes stiff, so any “cuddling” is what I can make of it.
-
when I do touch her, she rolls her eyes, or says that I’m a pervert.
-
will not under any circumstance allow me to even touch her when she sleep. If I wake her, she will raise her voice in the middle of the night. So awkward.
-
date nights consist of dinner. No physical connection.
-
told me last week that it’s okay and normal for marriages to be like this, and I need to get over it
-
I have no choice but to experience physical connection with others.
-
she loves oral from me, but never gives in return. Like, ever..
-
when we do get together, I rarely get off. There’s not a lot of emotion doing the same thing, same position, zero foreplay time after time, year after year.
I guess what I’m saying, I’m starting to disconnect. I don’t feel anymore. I feel let down. When she does ask for sex, which is rare, I tell her I’m not in the mood. It’s hard to want to be intimate with someone who shows zero affection, and gives zero effort.
Her comment about this being normal feels like it will haunt me for the rest of my life. Divorce is not an option. We have kids, and they are thriving. I’m so envious of others relationships.
This is like death with 5,000,000 paper cuts.
un
