I never had a romantic life at 41 and it’s making me bitter.
I struggled with that a lot in my twenties. It’s the period during which remaining alone while other folks mingled around was the hardest. I didn’t stay idle, I worked on myself, met new people, did sports, checked internet for advice and asked my friends for ways to improve, went to therapy. I remained the discreet dude who had very good looking friends.
In my thirties I started to let go of it. Stayed at home more, did the stuff I wanted to do alone, picked clothes that were the most comfortable no matter if it made me look worse. If I was to be alone, might as well be comfortable. I had given up on dating at this point. I cooked, did sports, did my things, and it was okay as long as I didn’t think about love and people too much. I played with the idea of becoming a sort of hermit, I bought a house that is quite remote, and I can work from home.
I still see the few friends I have from time to time. I’m wondering if they haven’t gotten the idea that I needed someone, because despite them having families it’s like they are inviting me out to things that put me in contact with people instead of the usual dinner with their partner and kids.
Not too long ago, I had a woman ask me out for dinner. First time this ever happened. We broached the topic of dating, I admitted I never had someone in my life. She never contacted me again. My friends told me I should have kept it for myself, as a lot of people at this age don’t want to be “training wheels” so to speak, and prefer partners who know what they want and don’t want in a relationship.
Since that, I struggle a lot more. I feel like I missed out on a lot in life, and it just makes me sad when I see couples or when friends talk about their relationships, be it in a positive or negative light. I catch myself fantasizing about finding love, and I don’t like it one bit. I hope it will subside in time.
I just needed to vent, thanks for reading and have a great day.
