1. Seems like just last week I was 18, and I’m over 50 now. There are so many missed milestones it’s too exhausting to list. Holidays, birthdays, weddings, graduations, reunions… so many life events I’ve never been asked to be a part of, or rarely invited to.
I see other people with SOs and friends all the time, people of all ages and I think ‘what the hell is wrong with me? Why am I not a part of ANYTHING?’. Most people will be parents, I’ll never experience that.
Most have been in relationships, gotten married, owned homes, had sucessful careers… just basic human stuff, and I can’t connect with any of them through that. I don’t even feel human, it’s like I was placed here to observe others and not actually participate.
2. Right now, are this very moment, people are out on dates, enjoying their time, sharing moments with their loved ones, building memories, showing their love for each other, being intimate, and here i am, a pathetic, lame, worthless, lonely loser, no friends, no relationships, who is so inferior and meaningless, that i can’t i even find someone to talk to
3. I’m unable to see myself as a potentially romantic or sexual interest
Whenever I see an attractive girl and think to myself, hey, why not try and approach her, I literally can’t think of any scenario in which she might be interested in me. It’s not just the potential rejection, I just can’t see myself as someone who is sexually or romantically desired by someone else. I feel like I am already like a sweet old man, someone who may be pleasant to be around, but is completely non-sexual to pretty much anybody, safe equally old loved ones.
I can’t understand how someone “falls” for somebody else, how people can be “charming” and consciously make people like them and “seduce” them. I don’t understand how anybody employing the tactics that pickup-artists utilize can even have any semblance of success, apart of course from being so attractive that it doesn’t matter at all what they are saying.
I don’t know how I can present and ultimately view myself as someone who is “sexy”, I feel like all my friends get way more female attention just by existing in a room while I might as well be furniture. And not even a pretty one at that.
4. Decided to "put myself out there" and it worked fantastically!!!!
Went to a bar by myself, immediately started talking to some people who looked like they were open for conversation, hit it off on some shared interests, got some contact information, and a few of the guys even told me they would introduce me to some of their female friends. Also a lot of the women were paying attention to me because I was so confident.
LMAO yeah just kidding. It went exactly how you would expect it to go.
Walked in, everybody was in groups, I sat alone, tried to strike up a conversation with a stranger, they were pretty dismissive and not open to conversation, scrolled on their phone instead, and pretty much every woman that was there came in with a boyfriend, all of whom were taller, more muscular, and had better facial features than I do.
You know……reality. rather than the just world BS that normies push.
5. It must be nice to come home from an absolutely hellish shift at work to be embraced by someone who loves and gives a damn about you. It must be nice to have cute dates, and intimate moments. It must be nice to know what love is. It must be nice to get a text or call from someone who gives a damn about you. It must be nice to have someone at your side when you are at your worst. It must be nice to win at life.
6. I just want to know what it’s like to cuddle with a girl who is interested in me. I want to know what it’s like to kiss a girl whom I care about. The idea of being intimate with a girl is almost like a foreign concept to me. It feels like an idea that is so far out there for me to reach. It depresses me. The fact that I’m probably going to go the entirety of my life without going on a single date produces a feeling of hopelessness.
My heart physically aches. I feel like crying. I’m too socially awkward and quiet to have someone be romantically interested in me. People see me as retarded and I do make a lot of stupid mistakes. To be fair, people mostly treat me nicely but it feels like I will never be good enough for a romantic partner. No girl wants me. I’m thinking of buying a fleshlight and take advantage of my imagination to simulate sex as much as I can. It’s the closest i will ever get to having sex.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s not just about the sex. Just being able to touch a woman and have a nice conversation with her would be heavenly. But my sex drive is a daily reminder of something I will never achieve. I wish I could just get rid of any and all sexual and romantic feelings. Life is god dam rough.
7. I turned 30 last week. It’s kind of surreal no longer considered a “kid” by societies rules. I honestly never thought I would make it to 30 and still be forever alone.
It’s crazy because I feel like I’ve done everything society says I should do to get a relationship but have never had one. I have a good job (I work in IT), my own apartment, I own a car, I also have an old muscle car I am restoring and have fun hobbies. But girls are never interested in me.
I work out, I surf, I skate and snowboard. I play a little guitar, I collect vinyl records, I play ice hockey, I play roller hockey and fish but I have never had a girlfriend.
It’s not for the lack of trying either. I’ve asked out dozens of girls over the years. Usually just get rejected or if they give me their number they never respond to a text (or calls just go straight to voicemail)… I’ve only ever had a few dates over the years and only one turned into a second date, which seemed to be a pity date (the girl said she loved the dates and that I was a fun person but didn’t feel a connection with me). Other times I approach a girl and she just laughs and tells me to “fuck off.”
I feel like I’ve tried everything to meet a girl. I’ve hired two dating coaches (one online, one in person), I’ve learned “day game techniques”, gone to speed dating events, joined church singles groups, gone to meet up events. I’ve meet plenty of girls but none are ever interested in me. Or if I did get a date none have ever gone passed the first date.
I’ve read a lot of dating advice about men’s fashion and creating your own style. The dating coaches helped me create a style that suits me, is timeless and that’s not simply based on fast fashion trends. Because I’m a car guy and at the time I hired the in person dating coach, I worked in auto repair. We kind of created a “neo-greaser” “blue-collar chic” style where I layer with a lot of button down shirts both short and long sleeve, I wear slim fit jeans and I don’t wear graphics t-tees or hoodies. i also slick my hair back. Instead I have two leather jackets one lightweight and a heavy sherpa lined one. I actually get a lot of compliments on it and even from women (they tell me I don’t look “cookie cutter” like other guys. However, usually the girls tell me “They wish they could find a guy who dressed like me.” or “They wish their boyfriend dressed like me” however, the first category rejects me when I ask them out. Just this past weekend I was out with friends at a bar and a girl told me I had a cool jacket. We talked for a good hour, I asked for her number and she said she doesn’t give out her number to strange guys and isn’t interested in dating right now.
I’m always clean, I shower, I smell good, I’m clean shaving, etc. I know these are just common sense things but I here girls all of the time complain how their boyfriends/husbands never shower.
I’ve had guy friends and cousins tell me over the years “if you want a girlfriend, I will get you a girlfriend” those have turned into those few dates mentioned above and none have ever progressed passed the first date… I think all of them have given up on me now.
So here I am at 30. Part of me wants to just say “fuck it” and spend my 30s on myself. Invest in real estate, travel more, buy more muscle cars, try to get involved in competitive motorsports (like drag racing and flat track motorcycle racing) since I don’t have any SO, I can spend my money how I want to and do the things I want to now that I have more disposable income.
The other part of me is still lonely and longs for someone else. It sounds cheesy, but I sleep on one side of the bed in hopes that one day a girl will have the other. I always try to look my best every morning in hopes that today is the day I meet the girl.
