1. I saw someone take a hotpot fill it up with baby oil add a pound of sugar, add some magic shave, bring it to a boil then splash it in a person’s face…… It literally melted the guys face off. This happened around 1999 and I still have the occasional nightmare about it
2. Dude in the cell next to mine tried to kill himself with a sharpened pencil. He just kept stabbing himself in the chest but couldn’t get deep enough. He was hauled off by COs kicking and screaming, begging for death. He was going to be deported.
3. A white kid get absolutely destroyed for accidentally sitting on the front bench of the TV area on his 2nd day. They waited for Rec, then started walking with him, every lap they made more guys would tag along. Then once in the blind spot they jumped him. 6-7 guys beating a 120lbs skinny little white kid. They were climbing up the fence and jumping down on his head. He was out within the first few seconds, but they kept on beating him until the COs gassed everyone. They snapped his lower back and he is now in a wheelchair. All for not knowing any better. The worst thing I’ve ever “heard” was a grown man being raped one night. He refused to pay a “protection” fee and 3 dudes raped him. They stabbed him in the ass with a tooth brush shank. I’ve seen some crazy shit but theirs were the most memorable. Sometimes I have nightmares about the rape. I’ve never heard anything like that ever since.
4. I spent 6 years in prison. One month in I watched a Crip on Crip gang stabbing. They stabbed the guy 60+ times while he was curled up in a ball screaming “HELP!” but nobody could because you’d be a target next. He somehow survived but I couldn’t tell you how. I think about it every day.
5. A guy got stomped to death my first day in. The 2 guys fighting were rival gang members.
The were in different cells and always talking shit to each other. When we had rec time they both ran at each other. They were both pretty big. One picked up the other and slammed him on the concrete and proceeded to kick him in the stomach and face until he was un conscious. Then started stomping on his face. The guards didnt do anything until the guy getting stomped stopped breathing. Then they came in and took them both away. One in a bag and one in cuffs.
6. Ok so unfortunately, my bunk was close to the corner where everybody came to fight or whatever. So this one guy claimed that he was a gang member but it was discovered that he was a false-flagger. So, the gang members put him in the corner and took turns beating and raping him. He was in the infirmary for bout a week. When he came back, the gang got him all over again. He was transferred after that. I promise there aren’t many things more terrifying than hearing a grown man scream while he’s being raped.
7. Saw a dude get his head caved in, in his cell. A new inmate had come in and refused to show his papers.
Another inmate came and said he was in court with him and he was a pedophile. Later that day, the “keys” (an inmate leader in each unit), told him he needed to roll his shit up, basically ask for protective custody. He refused. Later that night after we were all in our cells, his celly took a pencil and stabbed him in the eye. Then pulled him off his bunk and smashed his head against the wall till there was nothing left. Once he was done, he called the CO over the intercom and let them handle everything. I could see this through our window as they were in the cell across from us.
Papers, or PSI, pre-sentence investigation. These were provided prior to your sentencing, kind of like a discovery. It showed all prior crimes, pleas, deals, and snitching. The inmates used to receive these but when the department of prisons learned what was happening, they quit giving them out. You could request them from the department of parole and probation, but they don’t even do that now. You were supposed to show these papers to your keys to prove you weren’t a snitch, child molester (chomo), rapist, etc.
8. I spent 8 years in prison, in the state of Georgia. There was a guy who made a hustle of holding a hiding illegal cell phones for the Mexican gangs. When a shakedown/search occurred, this man was responsible for the loss of many of those cell phones. He was confronted on the yard, and tried to escape by climbing the fence. He got stuck in the razor wire, shredding his forearms, while 7 or 8 Mexican gang members were stabbing him all in the back of his legs and his ass.
9. It’s not the craziest thing I saw but it’s a social norm in prison that goes on daily ..I’ll never forget how socially acceptable “jackers” were….
Like somebody would be wearing a coat or hoody etc and stare at a female C.O. And jack off. Sometimes sitting on a bench , sometime the tv room , and nobody bats an eye.
One time a dude was like “ hey man can you move a row over , she know I’m watching” and didn’t skip a beat cranking off to an ugly 60something yr old woman. It’s fucked up but after a while you just accept that some people went nuts in there.
10. My husband was in prison as a young adult. He said that they had a way of “checking your ego” in the spot he was at. The toughest guys would come up to you on your first day and ask how many push ups you could do. If you were smart you would just sorta blow it off or laugh it off and move on. If you were a stupid show off or had something to prove you would claim a large number or talk your self up. If you did that then they would be all friendly and be like “oh? let’s see it!” So the poor guy would do as many push ups as they could. The tough guys would gas the new guy up, acting friendly, pushing him to do more. They acted impressed and joked around. Then as soon as the new guy had done as many push ups as possible they would jump him and beat him up. He would be helpless to resist because he had maxed himself out on push ups. Afterwards any guy with an ego was normally really quiet for the remainder of their stay.
11. I worked at a Juvenile Detention Facility in New Mexico. The absolute scariest thing I ever saw was a young boy, 9 years old, booked in for murdering both of his parents. There was nothing there. I fail to call this thing even human. I looked into this child’s eyes and felt more fear than I ever have to this day. This was no child, it was a monster. Pure evil, condensed and given human form.
And to clarify: I have booked and looked after murder suspects before, it was nothing new. But this kid was different. Very different. He never broke any rules and always followed commands but never, ever spoke unless directly asked something. And then it was curt, short. Just to answer a question. He never cried, either. Which is highly unusual for a 9 year old kid in jail. He was eventually tried and transferred to mental facility. But I’ll never forget the kid’s eyes. It haunts me to this day.
12. A child being brought in to see his father. Horrible? Yes! The father had molested the child. The mother when we denied the visit wanted to leave the child in the car and visit by herself. This was also denied. The Duty Officer said he was going to contact CPS.
Theodore Lee is the editor of Caveman Circus. He strives for self-improvement in all areas of his life, except his candy consumption, where he remains a champion gummy worm enthusiast. When not writing about mindfulness or living in integrity, you can find him hiding giant bags of sour patch kids under the bed.