I’m almost 30 years old my mother is early 50s with little saved for retirement. She was a single mom raising 3 kids and didn’t have the luxury to save. She has a small 401k with the school (she’s a lunch lady) and makes only about 25k a year. She has a paid off house thanks to my dad that passed away when I was 12.
These past two years have been the first years I’ve made good money. I’ve paid off her credit card debt (7k the card was used to make ends meet and she only paid the minimum), I pay property taxes, power, internet, and insurance for the cars. I’ve got 30k in student loans (low interest rate), 34k auto loan, and no other debt. I’ve got 16K in sep Ira, 7.5k in Roth IRA, 20k emergency fund, and 10k in other bank accounts.
My girlfriend, is about to graduate with her RN and will have no debt. My GF is understanding that I will always support my mom and do everything I can to help her. I’m reaching that stage in life where I want to move out with my GF but I’m worried I’ll struggle to pay for two households. GF wants our privacy and for us to live separately (which I totally understand) just a bit lost on what to do.
It’s time for some tough love, and while it might not be easy to hear, it’s crucial for your future and your mother’s. At 50, your mom is far from being at a point where she can’t enhance her financial situation. The reality is, with potentially 15 to 20 more years of working ahead of her, there’s a significant opportunity for her to increase her earnings and save for retirement. It’s essential she begins to see this potential and act on it.
Your mom might be eligible for social security benefits based on her own earnings and those of your late father, but relying solely on these benefits isn’t a sustainable retirement strategy. She needs to be proactive about her financial future, which may involve finding employment that offers better pay or even seeking additional education or training to qualify for such positions.
The dependence on you for financial support is concerning. It’s understandable that you want to help, especially considering your family history, but this level of financial responsibility can hinder your own financial progress, including saving for retirement and managing your debts. At 30, with $64k in debt and a retirement savings that’s not as robust as it could be, the financial strain of supporting another household is not sustainable in the long term.
I highly recommend considering professional guidance, both financial and therapeutic. Therapy can provide a space to address any underlying dynamics between you and your mother, such as her dependence on you following your father’s passing. Financial counseling can help both you and your mom strategize on improving her earnings and managing her finances more effectively.
It’s imperative that your mom starts to take steps towards financial independence. This might mean a difficult conversation about her need to extend her working years, potentially until 70, to maximize her social security benefits. But remember, this isn’t just about her current lifestyle; it’s about ensuring she doesn’t become wholly dependent on you or any future generations for her financial security.
You’ve done a lot for your mom, which is commendable, but it’s also important to prioritize your financial health. You can’t pour from an empty cup, and securing your financial future is the best way to ensure you can support your loved ones effectively without compromising your own well-being.
Theodore Lee is the editor of Caveman Circus. He strives for self-improvement in all areas of his life, except his candy consumption, where he remains a champion gummy worm enthusiast. When not writing about mindfulness or living in integrity, you can find him hiding giant bags of sour patch kids under the bed.