(photo: @joanna_nix)
Honestly, yes, I do feel like I “missed out.” As I’ve grown older, I believe more and more that a sense of relational exploration is vital in one’s adolescent years.
I went to a high school where I didn’t have the opportunity to explore that side of myself and college … well, suffice to say that college sucked, too.
It leaves you feeling stunted and underdeveloped, and like you’re waiting on some train you’re not sure even exists.
Not to mention the lack of self-trust you experience because you don’t know if you can trust yourself with any possible relationship.
Always wondering, “will I stay because I don’t know better?” or “will I leave because I’m always wondering what else is out there and I’m afraid to ‘settle’?”
It gets old walking around feeling like an impending mid-life crisis.
And then you have to hear from a bunch of people telling you how “it’ll happen at the right time” and yaddayadda, all while they’re fucking each other and not you.
Or listening to other people tell you how “it’s not really that big a deal,” all the while failing to realize that they have those experiences to draw wisdom from and you … don’t. You don’t have anything.
Feeling like you can’t be honest in telling a girl, “Yeah, this is my first real relationship,” because of perceived social stigmas against emotionally underdeveloped and inexperienced males.
So you put on this mask, pretending like you know what you’re doing, knowing the whole time you have fucking clue what you doing or talking about.
