How To Not Be A Creepy Guy

Creepy is not paying attention to the subtle social signals that someone gives you to back off a bit.

A man is creepy when he doesn’t meet you halfway, or even pay attention to what you might want and just takes you in like you owe him or like you are an object.

Most girls (or people in general) don’t like to straight-up tell you “Go away,” but they’ll send a number of signals to indicate that they’re uncomfortable or don’t want to talk to you.

• Not responding to messages
• Responding with one word
• Answering questions but not asking you any (they’re trying to be polite, but not trying to keep the conversation going)
• Never initiating contact with you
• Keeping conversation at a superficial level, changing the subject when you try to go deeper
• Trying to escape the conversation (looking around frequently, looking at phone, talking to other people)

As for things you can do when talking to people:

• A comment on a girl’s physical appearance, especially if you don’t know her, and particularly through the internet, is not the best way to start a conversation. What do you say to “You have a gorgeous smile”? “Um, thanks.” The end. It can go no further.

Try bringing up a mutual interest, mutual experience, etc. and work from there. Show interest in her as a human first, and then bring up her gorgeous smile- not only does it spark more conversational possibilities, it separates you from the creeps who are only interested in banging a hottie and don’t care about the person that hottie might be.

• With few exceptions, any line used to seduce women in porrn will NOT work in real life.

• Another killer is a simple, “Hey,” followed by silence. If you want to start the conversation, YOU come up with something to talk about. This goes with just about anyone. We all have that friend who gets bored, pops on chat and says “hey,” hoping we have some way to entertain them.

• Avoid overt sexual comments to anyone you don’t know well, and most girls you do know well. Rule of thumb: Unless she has touched you of her own volition (this includes reciprocating physical contact you have initiated), you probably shouldn’t be bringing up any sort of sex talk.

• In general, avoid opening up too much personal information or asking too much personal information with people you don’t know well. Hate to say it, but people just don’t want to hear it most of the time, and it makes them uncomfortable.

• Know who is and is not your close friend. Someone you’ve met once? Not a close friend. Someone you’ve chatted with occasionally on Facebook? Not a close friend. These people can become close friends, but be on the lookout for signals of interest before getting too excited.

• On a related note, don’t assume that one really good conversation has solidified your connection. It’s easy to get overeager and pull a Tommy Boy. Relationships take time to develop closeness, so even if you feel a connection right away, resist the urge to jump to BFF too soon. (Unless it’s CLEARLY mutual, then congratulations! You got lucky.)

• Talking to/joking around with an acquaintance: A creepy guy would make sexual comments or constantly comment on our appearance, disregarding our obvious discomfort. A non-creepy guy might still make sexual innuendo, but the MOMENT he senses a bit of discomfort he will apologize and COMPLETELY stop the behavior, turning the topic of conversation to a more innocent topic.

• Hugging friends: Non-creepy is a quick, friendly hug. Creepy is a long, “ooh i love feeling your boobs against me” hug. In your case, even though you might have completely genuine intentions with your long hugs, it doesn’t come across that way. Save the long hugs for your girlfriend.

• Respect boundaries. If someone seems uninterested in talking to you, DO NOT PUSH IT.

• If someone doesn’t want to talk to you, let it go. Don’t try to make yourself feel better by insulting them, or try to make them feel guilty by sending them a long-winded sob story. There are 7 billion people on this planet, and odds are a few of them will like you, so don’t worry too much about the others.

• Finally, creepiness is subjective and it’s a term people throw about carelessly these days. There are people who will call you a creep for arbitrary reasons, including some girls who will throw that label onto any guy they don’t want to talk to. Try to keep a realistic view of yourself, get feedback from people you can trust to be honest about your behavior, and don’t give up. Social ineptitude isn’t congenital; you can do it.