1) Any expectation you hold for your wife, you ought to hold for yourself. If you expect her to be fit, you ought to be fit. If you expect her to be supportive, you need to be supportive. If you want her to be frugal, you need to be frugal.
2) Never ask your wife to do anything that you can (or should be able to) do for yourself. This is an obvious courtesy that you ought extend to everyone, but there are a shocking number of “since you’re over there…” or “since you’re already up can you…” dudes on Reddit.
3) Always be the harder working partner. And by “work” I mean “work on the family” or “work on the relationship” or “work on the house.” Most women do a lot of work that you’ve been trained not to see, so if you focus on being the harder working partner you’ll get things about right.
4) Later is never. When you’re living alone it’s OK to do laundry or dishes or whatever later. But that’s thoughtless when you share a space with others. Doing the dishes later means she’ll have to do them before she can use the sink. Don’t be that guy.
5) Believe in Do-ocracy. In a democracy, you get a say in how things happen by voicing your opinion. In a marriage, you get a say in how things happen by doing them. Whoever cooks decides what’s for dinner.
6) Set priorities. My wife and I choose an A career and a B career. The person with the A career can work longer hours and has a responsibility to (a) make more money and (b) gun for promotion and raises. The person with the B career has a responsibility to (a) be flexible (and so handle household emergencies) and (b) aim for increased flexibility.
You don’t need to do things that way, but everybody in a relationship needs to know what position they’re playing, since a marriage will eventually accrue all kinds of responsibilities: kids, aging relatives, disability or incapacity, etc.
7) Don’t be bad at shit. A lot of guys seem to think that being good at one thing somehow compensates for being bad at something else. No. Being a great programmer and making a ton of money does not somehow compensate for being an inattentive husband or father. In a relationship, you are way better off being OK at everything than being great at some things and terrible at others.
