1. Never ever ever ever never try to kick above the waist in a street fight. One of my bouncers, when I was a head bouncer at a bar that was really rowdy, was the California state Taekwondo sparring champion. I sparred with him in the dojo and he was a nightmare. When he came to work for me I told him on the first day do not not not ever try to use one of your kicks above the waist. One night he was taking out the trash; he got into it with a guy. I saw and witnesses confirmed that he tried an inward crescent kick. The guy took one step to the side and stabbed him in the heart. He was dead in less than 30 seconds.
2. Don’t stand in one place . Don’t be where the punches and kicks are. Part 2 of this answer is don’t square off against anyone.
3. Never turn your back trying to do some kind of spinning anything. If you are really experienced and are really well-trained and really fast and you have used it in a lot of fights, you could do a spinning elbow or a spinning backfist. But if you try a spinning kick…you turn your back on me…I own you and I will eat you for breakfast.
4. Don’t lead with a huge telegraphed looping right like every other idiot in the world does. If the guy you are fighting has ever been in a fight before, he will see it and clean your clock for you.
5. Head butts. These are not as easy as they look on TV. On TV, the good guy slams his head into the assailant’s forehead. Just Don’t Do It. The human skull is the thickest and hardest at the forehead. You will at the very least be dazed and dizzied, but also might get a fractured skull and/or a brain bleed. (AKA a stroke). The head butt must be performed on the nose and eye area. But unless you have practiced this with a partner and on a Thai bag or other heavy bag, you should not not not use this technique.
6. This one’s going to be kind of hard for you to swallow. Avoid hitting people in the face. if you’ve ever seen someone who cut their hand or knuckles on someone’s teeth, and seen the nasty infections that they got and the months it took to heal, you would understand. If you don’t hold your fist right, you will break your fingers. If you don’t hold your wrist correctly, you will break your wrist. The head is a very hard thing. Sure there are soft Targets on the face, but they are hard to hit when things are going fast and furiously.
7. Don’t lose your cool. As soon as you do, you are done.
8. Don’t go totally ape shit. The first guy to lose his breath is the loser.
– David Greditzer, former Bouncer/Free Interactive Physics Teacher
Theodore Lee is the editor of Caveman Circus. He strives for self-improvement in all areas of his life, except his candy consumption, where he remains a champion gummy worm enthusiast. When not writing about mindfulness or living in integrity, you can find him hiding giant bags of sour patch kids under the bed.