The first thing to understand about people suffering from BPD is that they experience emotions on a nuclear level.
Sometimes, this is beautiful – because when they feel love, they feel an extraordinary amount of it.
But think about what that means for negative emotions – including jealousy, anger, and sadness. Being around them is impossible during those times – it’s endless bargaining, it’s intense fear – especially if they’re prone to lashing out. You’re on a roller coaster – the change from happy to sad could take seconds.
The extremes of these feelings will always overshadow grey areas.
There is a lot of black and white thinking. Very short logic lines – “If A, it is always B”. Anything from “My teacher gave me a bad grade, she’s signalling me out and hates me” to “You came home a few minutes late, you must’ve been cheating on me.”.
People are either angels or demons.
These people can get lost in an idea very easily. This means poor impulse control. This could mean throwing things when upset, it could mean frequently changing jobs, it could mean being prone to substance abuse issues.
Another thing that characterizes BPD is an intense fear of abandonment. They’re constantly testing your commitment. Out of fear, out of insecurity, out of pain. The irony is that their behavior often forces hands and brings the very abandonment they fear to begin with.
There’s a great book called “I hate you – Don’t leave me“. The title of the book is analogous to what I experienced.. I’d recommend it if you’re interested in learning more.
