There is a perfect storm of conditions that lead to these shootings, I think.
Isolation. Social Alienation.The only place to vent or find comfort is in radical communities.
Feeling powerless day to day. Anger towards those around you. Distrust of the systems you operate in or in the social support systems that you should be able to rely on.
Feeling things will never get better.Lack of emotional awareness or proper emotional outlets.
When I was around my second year in highschool I was headed down this road. I hated my parents, hated other people, and hated my life.
I didn’t have anyone I trusted nor did I feel that there was anything I could do. I looked into the future and only saw more agony, isolation, and anxiety. I felt constantly looked down upon by those around me and constructed all sorts of fantasies about why people didn’t like me.
Of course I have grown up and realized that I had severe social anxiety and the reason I had no friends was because I was a quiet, anxious, and stressed person. This was literally me for a lot of my high school experience:
Spent a lot of my time on 4chan. I was never racist or politically radical in one direction, but I had a strong resentment for all of humanity. I felt like the world was fucked and the systems we had created were failed. I would stay up all night long watching gore to numb myself to what I felt. It took years to undo the damage I did to myself by doing so, and I think this in some way still effects me today.
It is incredibly fucked up to say, but the fantasy of shooting up a school was cathartic in this state of mind. It was the ultimate fuck you to those who I placed so much blame on for years and years. It would show everyone how I feel and get back at everyone for looking down on me. I though I would never live a meaningful life, so why not end it all with a spectacle? Of course it was always a fantasy and I never seriously considered being violent. When it got to that point I generally turned inward instead of outwards (suicide, self-harm, etc. . .)
The largest thing that helped to change my outlook was getting friends. Once I had people I related to, could rely on, and was able to vent to my thinking changed 180.
I realized that people have value and despite the suck of the world there are meaningful experiences to have that we should work toward.
For any of you that feel this posts explains your current situation, please reach out and get help. If you don’t feel comfortable with that, I recommend watching Dr. K on Youtube. He has wonderful videos that would have helped me immensely when I was going through this.
– VeridianLuna
Theodore Lee is the editor of Caveman Circus. He strives for self-improvement in all areas of his life, except his candy consumption, where he remains a champion gummy worm enthusiast. When not writing about mindfulness or living in integrity, you can find him hiding giant bags of sour patch kids under the bed.